ellenspictures

Category: life stories

  • Another one bites the dust… Maybe we really weren’t friends…

    Another one bites the dust… Maybe we really weren’t friends…

    In my life, friends have come and gone – some really have gone, but that’s another subject for another day…

    When you look back on your life, you reflect on your actions, the setting, and mostly, the people, at least I do that. Who was there…what we did…the memorable conversation… And what? It ended, we moved on or we maybe still have some semblance of a relationship. We can think back and go, “Oh, that was really a great time..” Sometimes we forget about most of the bad parts of our episodes in life, thinking that things were hunky-dory, then someone else who was there brings up that thing that wasn’t so hunky-dory – and so it goes – everyone has their own perspectives.

    And then, there are the aspects of aging and the memories (the old noggin hard drive is getting packed with them) – and the memory capabilities – apparently, from about 40, it goes downhill from there – yet many people have very good capabilities of retention of certain memories, and zilch for others – selective…

    Then there’s the replay that we cannot seem to control. Over and over it plays, keeping us up at night when the sleep robbers are most active…

    When I think of a twenty-plus year relationship, and then suddenly you realize that it wasn’t what you thought it was, it’s that Winnie-the-Pooh quote:

    ” When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”

    It’s how it is when this happens… What your premise was, is not what the other person’s premise is and suddenly, you find out in a situation whereby you go, “Wow. Really?” Then you must process that, come to grips with it, like anything else, it’s a “change management” process that your mind must go through – your emotions included – to adjust. Here we go again.

    Then, there’s the ego threat – am I right, am I wrong, is it “no-fault”? Is there any peace? Yes. There might be some peace, but you have to work for it.

    Existential Thought of the Day: “If I just sit here and be quiet, will anyone call? Will anyone write? Will I just eventually disappear?”

  • We could ask the rest of the world to ignore the man…the trouble is…it doesn’t work that way.

    We could ask the rest of the world to ignore the man…the trouble is…it doesn’t work that way.

    What was it that Mahatma Gandhi said?

    “Remember that all through history, there have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they seem invincible. But in the end, they always fall. Always.”

    Mahatma Gandhi, Gandhi: An autobiography

    We have to keep doing what he says. Remember that. It’s just like a little kid that is kind of a mess… always getting into trouble… then, he grows up (or she), and he’s the one you hear about who is always wrecking the cars, or doing really impulsive stupid things – barely escaping with his or her life every time.

    Then, it may be that they have something that happens that is a wake-up call – they get back onto some sort of sensible track. But, then, sometimes, they don’t. They just keep doing things that everyone, when they hear about it, they are not surprised. They just roll their eyes and go, “OK, that’s “so in so” – that’s just how he is…”

    Well, somehow the so-in-so managed to make it into being the so-called leader of the land here. OOPS. Now, he is like a bull in a China closet. Or maybe he is like someone from the Twilight Zone who everyone has to walk around on eggshells – just so he doesn’t get upset and hurt people. Its like that.

    He and his gang of dark soldiers are now hurting people – innocent people. Children. People who are looking to get away from horrible circumstances – where once upon a time, it was “Give me your tired, your poor…yearning to be free…” and we representing liberty and freedom. Not that long ago, this was how it was… and it was for a long time back – but under the covers, people haven’t really felt that way.

    No, they actually have lied about how they felt. They actually professed themselves to be Christians, and do all of what they do in the name of Christ . Oh my. I can’t believe some of the twisted things that people say – and think – that this guy is some sort of prophet? Hello? What have they been smoking? Oh. My. God… Help us all.

    Let’s just say that this is not what I ever expected. My parents and grandparents would be in total shock over this. I’m certain of it.

  • it was later tonight. it was in 2005. it was a devolution. one last attempt to avoid the event horizon.

    it was later tonight. it was in 2005. it was a devolution. one last attempt to avoid the event horizon.

    Really, I think it was everything – scary. hopeful. an imperative. there was no other choice but the event horizon. The pager went off and it wasn’t midnight yet. We had just bedded down, and then – it was time to get things together and get ready to go.

    “Get some sleep.”, she said. Who was she kidding? We made some calls… left some messages where people wouldn’t pick up the phone, and proceeded to nervously get our things together. What would we need? Who knew?

    Once that was done, we got into the car and made an attempt to let his dad know what was happening. Of course, no one came to the door. Dark. No lights after the ring of the doorbell. I suspected I knew what was going on – but, I just tried to give it up. We couldn’t wait for nonsense – for people who refuse to be open to communication at a critical time when the unexpected can happen.

    Oh well. We took off for the destination. Following our noses. Not much traffic, of course. By then it was well after midnight. We drove down the toll road. Nobody but us. Hardly saying two words. Our thoughts were on his journey ahead of him – and we didn’t want to talk about the possibilities. We already had.

    We got down to the road that we needed to take and it was night-time construction – some exits shut off – and ours was one of them. Oh boy.

    We had to go to the next open exit and try to navigate through the dark streets in a bad-ass neighborhood, known for its violent crime. Don’t stop at stop light intersections – just look for cars and roll through – if a cop stops us, we explain – maybe we will get an escort. Didn’t see one. Just figuring out the back streets to get to the hospital emergency room.

    It took us a bit longer, but once we got there, we valet parked. Familiar territory, the ER. Been there, done that.

    We made our way to the front desk. I told him to sit and wait for me and I would call him up when they were ready – once they knew who he was, they pulled us in and kept us from the sick kids there in the middle of the night emergency room crowd – you don’t go unless you are with a sick or injured. child. That’s how it is.

    Finally, we were told we were to go up – and we proceeded up the familiar elevators to the floor. From there on out, it was a very intense process. His dad finally showed up. His friend had gone over again and banged on the door until someone came, to let him know that “it” was happening.

    Throughout the night, we tried to snooze, but people kept coming in and asking questions, poking, prodding, examining, and getting him ready. It was hours long…

    We didn’t learn too much – it was more of being processed than being a patient. Finally, at some point, it was time, they said. By then, it was after sunrise and we learned that the time would be 8:30 AM.

    We learned that there were others ahead of him. Guess it was bad for some families, which became good for us and other families. That was very hard for him to get used to – someone would have to die to give him another chance at life.

    I will always remember the sequence of events on this night. In 2005. The hope. The fear. The need to be brave for him – to be strong for him – because the decision he made was resolute. There was no going back.

    He was trying not to get to his event horizon so soon.