No matter how hard your life is, or what has happened, it is a day that we say “thanks” for everything that we have that is good. We celebrate with food, friends, sometimes family, and sometimes the family comes before friends (not in some of my extended family, in their case, mostly, the friends are more important). So, we have people we know who need to be with others, together, to celebrate.
When my grandmother was still around, and even my mom, it was a “default” to gather with family. I think that this set of constructs seems to have faded. I don’t even get invited about half the time by that side of my family. Their priorities are different and involve friends, mainly – and first degree relatives – despite that we are by comparison, an extremely small family – just a handful of us left… There is always something more important like a football game, or some other event… the likes of this would make my grandmother roll-over in her grave, seriously, but then, she has been gone for many years… and I am sure that somewhere, as she fades back in memories, somehow, the importance of family is brought forward… no thoughts as to how that plays out… Usually, when someone gets sick or dies – well, even that isn’t really something that might sustain visiting or building stronger relationships – it is what it is.
At our Thanksgiving celebrations of the past, when asked to say prayers, my Dad would always launch into a rambling prayer, truly from his heart… On one occasion, he asked my cousin, Susan, to say a prayer and she, being caught off-guard, and being a young teen, pretty much giggled herself into a mess – my Dad, picking back up the conversation with God to ask for continued grace, and moving us along to the meal. On another occasion, it was at the Thanksgiving table that I bit into one of my Grandmother’s famous watermelon pickles and felt the first twinge of pain that signaled a case of mumps that I had to endure over the next few days – more like ten – when I was in first grade…
And then, there was the Thanksgiving after Rob’s birth – just a few days following – with my post-partum perspective, just having given birth to a child who required immediate emergency surgery to repair a lethal birth defect, who lay in a Neo-natal intensive care unit forty-five minutes away from our house – it was hard to scrounge up “thanks” – but I did, at least, thank God for letting our baby at least have a chance at life – not knowing the rocky road ahead…
At any rate, we try to keep traditions where we can, and make new ones where old ones seem to fade away. It’s about distance, of time and relationships, and how we seem to live now — alienated, sometimes, as we go through our day to day lives… Our focus is more immediate. We seem to be thankful when reminded about our gifts by hearing of some loss that others have suffered, or some travesty that someone we know is enduring at present – God’s little reminders, I guess…
But each Thanksgiving, there will be the feast, and friends, and some family – and we will toast to our blessings… This is how it is… and how it will be…
This year our Thanksgiving was good – with my remaining first degree family, and some good friends – and it was different, but we were thankful for our gifts – and the food on the table… and asked for grace for the future…
