Tag: change

  • Rangitoto

    Rangitoto

    We visited Rangitoto.  Rangitoto is a volcanic island that has been used in war-times and in peace for various purposes.  It has been set as a nature reserve, being reset back to a more original state and enabled to collect and grow species native to New Zealand unconstrained. 

    We walked to the summit and had these fantastic vistas of the surrounding area – gorgeous New Zealand as always.

    As stated, Rangitoto is a national preserve.  It is an extinct volcanic island where the lava field has been left to evolve naturally over sixty years, to re-foliate and attract birds and host the only reptile in New Zealand, the Tuatara.

    Unfortunately, we did not see one.  There are reasons for that.  I will explain.

    According to the New Zealand Department of Conservation,

    “Tuatara are rare, medium-sized reptiles found only in New Zealand. Adult tuatara range from about 300g to 1kg. They are the only surviving members of the order Sphenodontia, which was well represented by many species during the age of the dinosaurs, some 200 million years ago. All species exept for the tuatara declined and eventually became extinct about 60 million years ago. Tuatara are therefore of huge international interest to biologists. They are recognised internationally and within New Zealand as species in need of active conservation management. Tuatara once lived throughout the mainland of New Zealand but have survived in the wild only on 32 offshore islands.”

    I have my theories about noticeable increases in tourist populations.  I think that commercializing sites such as these actually contributes to harming the very populations of species that these preserves/reserves are trying to protect.

    We have the environmental damage that exists today due to the human footprints that have moved into areas not occupied originally by humans.  Damage comes from sound, light, weather, erosion, fire, air-pollution, and any other land-use that is out of balance such as over-foraging, hunting, commercial fishing and agriculture, the taking of animals – birds, reptiles, amphibians included, for their body parts for either edible or non-edible use and other invasive actions on the part of civilization.

    I don’t consider myself a “tree hugger” – but, I do have enormous respect for nature – and that saying “we know not what we do or have done until it is too late.”

    When it is a question of balance, we intuitively understand, like it or not, that if we are arguing that “we have the right” or should be able to exploit… just the argument is a bad sign.  As our television character, Maude, said, “God will get you” – whatever she meant was essentially, the KARMIC forces will make it right. 

    We harvest too much we starve later.  Or somebody does.  Or great storms or waves  will come (ask the people in Indonesia or victims of Katrina).  Yes some of that happens anyway, regardless of humankind’s boots.

    What we do not understand is whether “we” are part of the natural process – and our emotions lead us off the path in our pathos.

     

  • Maybe it is just a process… You know, like life is just a process?  Reflection pools…

    Maybe it is just a process… You know, like life is just a process? Reflection pools…

    Yeah, of course… it’s the memories…

    This was the second Christmas... Good to try to improve the first one...
    This was the second Christmas… Good to try to improve the first one…

    It seems like such a long time ago – and I was… This was representative of hope – I actually have an old VHS of this day – and it snowed, too… which was interesting, because it doesn’t snow that much where we live, in Texas…

    Rob was just over a year old.  I have some other pictures of him – walking and running around like a Wildman that he was – of course a total contrast from 1987, when just a month old he was recovering from surgery and just out of the neo-natal ICU… We weren’t sure of much at the time… not at all.  Scary.  But 1988 was a turnaround improvement.  We thought he actually might stay awhile… And he did.  Almost 18 years total – but we never knew.  Every cold, every sniffle brought some potential for a tumble down.

    We learned to go to battle each time, getting better as we learned, only to know how much we had yet to learn, each time.  The vastness of the giant battle against an enemy that can take many forms.  Christmas was always the hopeful time, no matter what.  We made it that way.

    Rob, as he grew up, always was feisty and sometimes people did not suspect anything – in fact, as he got older, he preferred that people not know… for him, it was better that way, day to day.

    At 1988, Rob moved into “live it to the fullest” mode and never looked back…ever.  This is why Christmas time did represent so much hope to us…

    Looking out... Observing and exploring...
    Looking out… Observing and exploring…

    Now, I have to re-learn how to regard Christmas.  The first year was unbelievably tough.  With every year, it has morphed and the character of my grieving has changed.  It still is preferred to just be low key, but I feel that I am more of an observer, just going through motions.  No, it doesn’t help having friends there while I attempt to decorate the tree – nah.  Not when it took me three martini’s per session the last time I did this, and it took me several “sessions” to “git ‘er done”…  And then, there is the “dismantling”… oh my God in Heaven, please deliver me from having to go through THAT.  I’d rather not.

    So, what to do?  Escape?  Doesn’t really solve the problem, now, does it?  I guess that I will continue to slog through it one year at a time, hoping for hope, hoping that each year I will change my feelings and lift myself up.  One thing is for sure, nobody else can do this for me…  I must do this myself.

    Maybe this will be the year.  Hope floats.

    Up in the air

  • bad bandwidth, slow down, chillax…

    bad bandwidth, slow down, chillax…

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    we are so connected that we can’t do much with ourselves if we aren’t… we think.

    yet.  if faced with that space in our lives, we have to re-learn what activity to choose:

    • do nothing (that’s scary, uhm, isn’t that like meditating?)
    • go find others to do something with… (hmmm, sometimes scary)
    • go be by yourself and in a focused way, do something that is a solitary relaxation activity (ahhh, now we are getting somewhere)
    • follow the lessons learned, being an only child (could write a book about this)
    • work on that book or some other book (ok, maybe there isn’t a book to work on…) write a poem?  haiku?  riddle or limerick?
    • play games

    in times past, and in times now, and in times forward into the future, we must, individually, face change.  change is life, life is change – how much have we heard this and it is true.

    think of it.  every nano-second, inside your body and mind, split second changes occur.  outside of yourself in the world around you, change is happening in multiple dimensions and it is chaotic, yet it is somehow mostly organized, with predictable phases and even behavioral characteristics.

    interesting conversations.  many changes in thoughts.  anxieties.  anxieties settled by something in the next second.

    i remember well, a time, years ago.  we had a group of children engaged in a day out from the hospital where they were patients for behavioral and psychiatric treatment for dysfunction and conditions that made them not able to live at home.  on our way back, one of them began to have a psychotic episode where one minute he was okay, the next, he began hallucinating, then became panicky, then expressed himself by being paranoid and acting out.  one of our staff got the brilliant idea to try opening an orange drink, then offering it to the boy, stating that this would make him feel better.  change the scene, change the sensations, hoping to change the progression of the episode.  amazingly, when the boy, who trusted the staff member, took the drink, tasted it, and swallowed it, it somehow did settle his anxiety and the psychotic expressions seemed to lift.  amazing.  change of sensation tipped the brain somehow.  not very scientific, but something worked.

    this stuck in my mind from that day forward.  whenever i get anxious i remember that time.  what is going on.  stop.  take a break.  do something different.  change.

    every one gets anxious at least once in their lives.  most of us get some sort of anxiety once a day, most days.  it is hard to relax in a connected and chaotic world with so much stimuli coming at us all the time.

    being by yourself for a brief time, when you don’t expect it, can be considered a small activity like going to a movie, or doing anything else.  short duration. seek to get the best out of the time.  read a book.  write a book.  sketch.  meditate.  what else?  the list can go on.

    take that opportunity to relax.  chill-out.  remember.  it won’t last.