Tag: change

  • it’s 2020.  it’s 2020. can’t believe it’s yet another decade.

    it’s 2020. it’s 2020. can’t believe it’s yet another decade.

    The year started as it usually does. New Year’s day. Another birthday. Friends birthdays… and as always, new possibilities for the new decade.

    As we experience in winter, it brings shorter days. Struggling with the gray days. Seeking the sunlight as much as possible when they present themselves – sometimes we’re lucky and get stretches of brightness.

    Glorious High Clouds

    Breathing fresh cool air is wonderful, but I get a bit freaked out when we have crazy tornado weather in early January, and the flowers are blooming, and the birds who normally act okay are flying into windows and not coping well with the unexpected near-summer temp days that string themselves intermittently amongst the “normal” for winter days. Strange? A bit.

    But, it has happened before, maybe, but not in our lifetimes so much. We maybe weren’t here then. I looked up the history… but the fires. Those are truly what is the most concerning. That and the knock-on effects. The droughts. All the stuff we living in a “privileged first world country” don’t see, that I have seen and you can’t “un-see or not remember” what you see that looks like that. You can’t, if you have any empathetic bones in your body… Or any sort of wired-in alarms within your soul.

    What we see and witness is being blasted out every minute of every day. Citizen witness-reporting. Citizen scientists commenting. We observe the culture. The culture of our childhoods is not the culture of today. It is change. “Life is change. How it differs from the rocks…” BUT… guess what? Rocks change all the time. They move, oblivious to the life standing on them, or growing around them…

    Rocks, shells, wood, sand… seaweed – elements recomposed.

    The law of conservation of mass or principle of mass conservation states that for any system closed to all transfers of matter and energy, the mass of the system must remain constant over time, as system’s mass cannot change, so quantity can neither be added nor be removed. This means that your fine automobile was something else at one time, and now has been recomposed into your fine automobile until such time that it, and all its parts, are dismantled and again go through the process of returning to the earth or being recomposed into something else.

    Think about it. What this does not address is that during the times of decomposition, transition and recompilation multiple processes are at work – natural processes or human processes – but then, think again – humans are “natural” unless… and then the possibility arises that humans evolved from “something else” that joined with a natural being and a number of theories come from that. Religion. Science. Lore. Extremely compelling ancient evidence that points to early in human existence, beings having the ability to view from high distances – the evolution and migration is quite well documented in rock records, as well as in ancient texts – even if those are cuneiform on rock scrolls – and in artwork in caves – interesting depictions.

    Fascinated by timelines stacked on top of one another of what happened simultaneously on the earth, these continue to change as new discoveries are made.

    Geology and geophysics – the science says: Rocks shudder under the weight of oceans and other rocks. Driven by energy coming from the core of our planet. Soft squishy humans and other animals are affected. We are supposedly the “intelligent” leaders and stewards of the orb. Despite this tag, sometimes we don’t act like it. Earthquakes can surprise people living in areas where faults have not been identified – this can introduce catastrophic outcomes. Geologists and geophysicists and their sub-professions are humans, first, scientists – and the “tools du jour” are what enables them to make discoveries.

    1920’s Geologists

    We measure – we alert – we sometimes do not get the alert in time. Kind of like ants, we are… milling around. We try. We work at improving all the time. But we’ve lost our abilities to get along in the process.

    Have we not taught our children that getting along is important? Self-focus is not. We really cannot afford to not share and consider our impact on others. Each time you toss something away, it’s on its way to entering that process of decomposition – a long process indeed.

    Being a good citizen of the planet is about looking after others everywhere. It is about considering the impact of being cruel and how it will, no question, come back to haunt you – at least it will if you have a conscience and morals. The selfish politics rising in popularity over the last decade and a half, is not healthy for our continued existence in the end – it will destroy us. Guaranteed.

    Teach our children and grandchildren well. Like the song of the sixties tells us to do. But, extending this to all of our family members, and young friends – teach our nieces and nephews that our planet and everyone are worth getting along.

    Please. Where you do technology, balance with hand-made art. Where you listen to digital music, get out a guitar and a drum – or a ukulele or a banjo! Sing out loud! Read books! Real ones with pages! Draw pictures of what you see. Never forget how to do those things by hand and that the digital representations are just that… representations.

  • life as it goes on, and sometimes it unravels…

    life as it goes on, and sometimes it unravels…

    Here lately, so much has been happening that it is difficult for us to know the extent to which it impacts us – we just have a lot of swirling thoughts and those that remind us of the past, of course, as life has a habit of digging up those and bringing them forward. 

    Our friends’ daughter was killed in an auto accident last week, and swiftly all the events of their lives were set out, on a different path.  Instantly, just like that.  It happens.  These are reminders that we are not in control here.  We only have glimpses that we call control, like my fingers on this keyboard.  Fleeting.

    We hold onto our forward course, but sometimes the course changes – and we are disrupted onto a new course of moving forward, just in a different direction.  Similar events from my past are re-lived in understanding and empathizing with my friends.  We share the road of the common experience.  Our minds adjust, as much as they can – but they are changed minds.  Human experience is that way.

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    She was a beautiful girl, but had challenges throughout her life.  Where she seemed to flourish the most was at the time she had her babies but still she seemed challenged to attain a solid happy spot in her life.  We will miss her and it goes to remind us how people touch our lives, no matter how distant they are, you do get pulled into the relationships once you meet them, watch them grow up, and become young adults…

  • what I like to do vs. what I do

    what I like to do vs. what I do

    Picture 14What I like to do?  That’s a good question.  It depends on the day.  Sometimes I can’t even answer that question.  It’s kind of like “what do you want to eat?” – to which I respond, “What do you have?”  or it’s close cousin “What are you going to eat?”  A question answer for a question…  Hmmmm – what’s going on there?

    I need me some insight!  Yeah.

    I recently decided to take the Myers-Briggs test again, just to check and see if I have changed.  Well.  Actually, I haven’t much.  It was of some comfort to be reminded of all of my blind-spots.  It reconfirms what some people tell me about myself, either frustratingly, or sometimes gently, but mostly in the former way, as I may have pushed them to the brink of whatever.  I guess that I am hard to be around sometimes, especially when I am not in my comfort zone, which can be a lot of the time.

    What happens is that I think that everything should fit into Planet Me.  Anything else is illogical.  I have to ask God to help me with this and give over to the higher power as I traverse into the land of the overwhelmed.  When I was in deep grief after losing Rob, and yes,  he was lost, no matter what anyone has told me otherwise, on my planet, he isn’t here – I can’t find him, so he is lost… As I was saying, when I was in deep grief, I had to give over to God.  It wasn’t possible for me to feel in control of anything – it was like something else had taken over me and was driving from deep inside me.  Hard as hell to ride those waves, but I finally managed to stay on the surfboard and not fall into the sea.  I kept looking for some dry land and eventually, I did land on a beach somewhere – still on my planet.  I have learned to live on “survivor island”,  as it is impossible to return to the old place where I was.  Forever changed, but not gotten — that old place…   Yep, it didn’t get me then — and I pray for peace all the time that this will be settled for at least a while (in geological time).

    As with most of us humans, I believe that I am programmed to worry about “the end” of life on earth – my life, everyone else’s “who are dear to me” ‘s lives – not so much that I have any control – but that I pray for not painful transitions – All the horseshit with suffering is not a good deal for anyone.  Enough of that.  FIDO.  If you want to know the acronym meaning of FIDO, search the inter-google.  You’ll find it eventually.

    So much of life is living through one’s days, not knowing when days will no longer be, and trying to enjoy life, love others, feel somewhat satisfied and successful at what you do,  interact with those around you and your world, in a positive way – and not be fearful of being alone…  Once I am by myself in quiet solitude, it isn’t so bad.

    It helps to have the dog here with me.  She is somebody.  Until my special somebody comes home again and we are together, she is here and remains here until such time as she isn’t – but that hopefully is on down the road some.

    I do worry about this enough that it enters my dreams, and so I know that the worry baseline contains this worrisome stuff.  I think it is because of my intuition and its strength.  God only knows why He gave me this.  It must serve some purpose.  Here, Dearie,  have an extra helping of intuition, thank you very much…  Hmmmm…  Does that come with salsa?

    My f***ing intuition drives me nuts sometimes and I want it to go away or just tame down some…  I pray over and over that I can be more wrong that right and just “normal” on the intuitive front.  Using intuition for good – that’s okay.

    What is interesting today is being up at 4:30 AM, or thereabouts – and being here at 6:40 AM, having been awake for two hours already!  It will make the day seem earlier, and then the evening will, too…  It’s fall-ish outside (finally) and yet it will get warm again before it doesn’t for awhile.  Typical weather for these here parts, plus a little bit warmer – thanks to climate change…

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    I plan to take this road trip tomorrow which will be an experience I have not had in a good while – road trip by myself.  My vehicle and I will traverse the roads of the hill country and try to avoid accidents and incidents with texting drivers who think it is their entitlement to text while driving, regardless of how it makes them drive.  ugh.

    Straight shot.  All the way to the midpoint (well maybe more than the mid-point!)  have lunch, go again to the destination.

    Birds are chirping, sun is rising – once again, it’s morning…