Admittedly, this is a different holiday season in many ways, this year, but most acutely, within my family we will be adjusting to spending our holiday with fewer people this year than last, and praying for the healing of the broken links that are causing this. Links are connections that when one is broken, many are affected.
The hardest adjustment is “re-framing” our situation when this happens – the instability caused, takes a while to re-stabilize to the new normal, whatever that is to be, and our very human emotions are affected forevermore, so more work must be done to contain the reactions and resulting instability that those create, as well.
We hear the term “chain reaction” — our chain may not be linear, but may be more like a net of chain links.
I remember hearing my parents talk about this or that relative who they had difficulty being around because of some unfortunate situation that occurred in the past, that caused hurt feelings where the scars were too great to completely heal. The more major the hurt, the bigger the scars and the damage done. Time factor comes in and sometimes it helps dissipate the hurt, and dilute the ill feelings, but sometimes it does not help in that way.
Troubleshooting circumstances like this that happen ahead of or during the holidays can be especially difficult, can cause much confusion, and if there is perceived loss or potential loss, the losses of the past are dragged up out of the coffins in our memory bank, like Dracula in the darkness, coming out to demand that “deep inner work” be done, once again – to resettle the grief, and attempt to heal and recover back to a more normal state.
The human condition involves loss and grieving.
We are wired to feel loss and grief, but we are not given a handbook on how to do the healing in the best way possible – someone forgot to pack that in our backpack when we were born – oh – right – we are not given a backpack, just the capabilities to develop as we mature — and some of us are not given the best sets of tools, or there are things that happen that cause the tools to be broken or rusty when we pull them out to use them.
I always ask God to advise me on these occasions. Sometimes I listen and do not hear back. Sometimes the message comes in an unexpected form. In fact, usually, that is the case. I am waiting right now. Just saying.
Joni Mitchell is great at articulating how wistful the holidays can be in her song “River” when she discusses how broken relationships affect the time.
In our case, I am praying hard for guidance in troubled times. I am praying for healing, and for recovery — and I am praying for Peace… It’s a different holiday season this year. I am observing it. I am trying to re-frame for this year in order to survive through the time with some holiday spirit.
