ellenspictures

Tag: facing challenges

  • Walks down memory lane can be exhausting.

    Walks down memory lane can be exhausting.

    Recently, I was asked to help with a part of a book that a friend is writing, and I agreed, of course. This required me to go back in the way-back time machine and research many things, such as old documents, and timelines, and emails – and such. For the most part, it re-activated memories of the past, which involved some of the most devastating impactful moments of my life. Of course, everyone has similar moments, if they are human, that is, but to everyone, those are very unique, even though they are “similar” in ways that enable psychologists and sociologists to “categorize” these emotions.

    At the conclusion of this, the email with all the information sent over, I’m here to tell you, I’m pretty knackered mentally and actually, I feel that way physically, too – so that’s the old indicator of something that causes some “depressive responses”. You got it. Grief revived. It’s not acute, but definitely, with everything else going on in the world, it kind of leaves me feeling flat, and out of gas.

    What to do? My answer will be to get out in the out of doors and do my usual endorphin generating stuff. I don’t know what else to do? Running girl stuff or aqua-girl stuff – doesn’t matter.

    I just had to file a report — for now.

  • It’s a lot. Ch Ch Ch Changes. Wish we could talk to the dinosaurs, but that’s not going to happen.

    It’s a lot. Ch Ch Ch Changes. Wish we could talk to the dinosaurs, but that’s not going to happen.

    Life is change. How it differs from the rocks.

    Jefferson Airplane

    Although it appears that rocks don’t change, they actually do. That’s where they got it wrong. Rocks are constantly in a state of change, and depending on the type of rock, some are just being born – chemically, physically, seismically, but one fact remains – everything on this planet from it’s birth is still here and there will not be anything added (significant mass) until the planet vanishes. OK, so the occasional meteor or meteorite crashing into the planet might add a smidge of matter to Earth, it is just a smidge and kind of like when another vehicle rubs on your car and leaves some paint – except maybe a meteor crashing into the earth might have significant planet changing effects, which is a bit different than going for the buffing compound to remove the paint smudge from the red car that bumped your white car and left a smear of red.

    So, I digress.

    Change is constant. Some change is disturbing. Some change is happy. But nonetheless, change of any type shifts our attention, may seem to shift our personal axis, and may also make us change direction entirely. For every change there is some adjustment, no matter how tiny. This breaks, you fix it. You get a minor illness, you either wait and take temporary symptom relief medicine, or you go to the doctor and ask for something else based on the doctor’s exam. You get through whatever it is. If it is something major, then you have to make more major adjustments. Life goes on. Somehow.

    This week, in the space of a week, I have been reminded of lots of changes and the ongoing changes that are taking place continuously. A guy fishing in the park apparently, silently fell over and passed away within a few minutes and some kids found him and called 911 and for hours afterward, we witnessed that police investigate thoroughly even though it appears no foul play was involved. Not just one officer, but several were on the case. Nobody knew what happened until the next day. The rumor mill was going nuts. Always amazing that people without information will engage in conjecture to fill a void.

    One neighbor who prides herself for knowing everything walked by on her way to investigate. I told her she might not want to go that route, and she got all weird about that. “Why?”, she said. I told her that some kids found a guy who was unresponsive and the paramedics came and turns out he died. She said she already knew…wait for it…because her son is a doctor (she tells me this every time she sees me – for years)… even though he lives out of state, somehow her having a doctor son makes her an expert about everything. Sorry, I’m sounding catty, but truthfully, its unhelpful. She said she had to hurry to finish her walk before dark. I told her to have a nice walk. What else could I say?

    I couldn’t help thinking about the guy who didn’t come home for supper. People fish in that area all the time. Some bring families with them. Some fish alone. Most are not from the neighborhood, and possibly not from nearby. It’s a good fishing spot as we have heard. But, when things like this happen it’s sort of a leveling that when it’s your time, it’s your time. One would hope that the guy was loving his fishing and passed away doing what he loved. What could be better except remaining alive to continue doing what you love. It makes everyone else take a pause, however.

    I watch and family members are going through life changes. We go through life changes. Even though, day to day, sometimes it feels like it is the same as it ever was – but it isn’t. We definitely are reminded of changes when we witness major events that affect others, that is for sure.

    The ongoing war in Europe, the massive earthquakes in Turkey and Syria and the surrounding region, the horrid weather in the South Pacific region, many many lives affected in major ways – suddenly, or perhaps not so suddenly – but this points up that something is happening, and we should pay closer attention to the details…

    …Something happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear. There’s a man with a gun over there, telling me I’ve got to beware. …Stop children, what’s that sound? Everybody look what’s going down…

    Buffalo Springfield
  • being uncomfortable vs. being a whiny baby – it’s a thin line

    being uncomfortable vs. being a whiny baby – it’s a thin line

    So, I recently had my nose structures repaired as referenced in a recent post. The fear ahead of the procedure far outweighed the actual procedure – I felt nothing due to good anesthetics – the old get the old relaxing medicine in the IV, then it’s lights out or you can’t remember anything that happened between X and Y – you just wake up. That’s for the majority of people into which I fell.

    Next, however, is the recovery – with at least three different documents, one of which the doctor covered, a couple were from the surgery nurses, but it’s more about sorting out the conflicts in them that is the big concern and also when to get concerned – and what discomforts weren’t mentioned and so forth. Breathing out of my mouth sucks. It has other side-effects, like my mouth drying out (yikes!) and a scratchy throat, and other unpleasant stuff. Then there’s a headache from sleeping in the wrong position. Then… Then… And it takes getting up to focus on what is the actual problem and in the dark, trying to sort out a solution, which is hard to do very well…

    All this of course happens in the middle of the night when trying to get some rest… so catching up on rest during the day ends up being what happens.

    And I am not typically a napper. I usually retire around “eleven-ish” – but am now yawning at 11-ish in the MORNING after having two cups of half-caf coffee… Sleepy. Can’t breathe out of my nose yet. Swelling. Goopy stuff up in there sloughing off – gross. At least it isn’t bloody anymore…

    So, am I whining? Should I be stoic? Who the heck can answer that question?

    I think my “course” is not as bad as some stories I have heard, but not a piece of cake, either. All I can say is that I will surely be glad to get to some sort of normal after this. I’m not good with not feeling okay, that’s for sure. Hoping that a week from now, I won’t be feeling this way. Better I hope. Making the decision to fix all that was wrong worth it. That’s the goal.

    In retrospect, when I think of it, when compared with what Rob went through in terms of discomfort and pain, this is nothing. So, I’m thinking that I am trending to the “whiny baby” category – and I need to remember that. When he was healing from surgeries, we all prayed for any improvement on any time scale because trending the other way had darker implications than we wanted to face.

    Maybe, I just need to be uncomfortable and suck it up. I am better than yesterday. I will keep telling myself that. Small steps.