It starts with Halloween. Actually, it starts earlier than that, but we won’t go there.
Today, I read this most wonderful editorial by Cooks Illustrated Christopher Kimball in the most recent print issue of Cooks Illustrated about Thanks Giving. Yes, that’s not “Thanksgiving”, but “Thanks Giving”. Different things. He stressed that gratitude and thanks giving is the point and a full reason for living. The little things.
Essentially, he wrote that gratitude is the true meaning of our celebration of Thanksgiving – giving thanks – not being “perfect” as in having the “perfect meal” or the “perfect celebration”, or getting upset or ruminating in the past, which I have a tendency to do (as exhibited last Christmas when I lost it on Christmas Day).
My problem was that instead of feeling gratitude at the gifts of being in a wonderful place around warm and loving people, for some reason I was angry at myself for feeling sad and bad, and then I was chock full of resentment at the happiness that they seemed to have together. I felt outside of it. I was somewhat feeling strange about the lack of commercialization that was there and I couldn’t wear my holiday sweaters without being stared at by people like I was a freak!
Sadly, I probably did untold and irreparable damage to relationships in the process. I realized this after the fact, and I am still realizing that I need to straighten up and fly right. Will I ever recover the relationships? Time will tell. I have much work to do in this area.
I know what my problem is. I too much dwell in the sadness of the past, in too many times when we had difficulties over the holidays, and my recent inability to even stand up and decorate our house for the holidays because of the sadness of the past.
If I focused on the positive nature of our blessings – if I held more gratitude for the gifts that we have – of love – of a new grandson 
– of the health that we have – of escaping yet again a cancer diagnosis this year, albeit narrowly – and the multitude of material riches that we have in our family, which frankly pales to the comparison of the amazing love that we have going around.
Thanksgiving is coming. After that, is Christmas. Then the cycle begins again. I will begin giving thanks and continuing to build this habit, as I really can’t do anything about the past, but I can do something about my giving thanks and showing more gratitude in the future…
