ellenspictures

Category: the world as we experience it

  • Christmas AKA the holidaze

    Christmas AKA the holidaze

    Mince Pie

    So, it’s been building. That overwhelmed feeling that comes in around Thanksgiving and builds until after New Year’s Day.

    Can I do what I need to do in time? What am I forgetting? Things cost too much. Can I make people happy or happier? What? When? How? Oh shit. Then the occasional panic attack, the deep breathing, the thought that at least I’m not trying to bake cookies for everyone (circa the 1970’s – 1980’s). Maybe I should host a cookie bake party. We could drink adult beverages and… Or then, that might be too much, too.

    Then there were the days when I felt compelled to write Christmas greetings individually on each card that I sent. And I am verbose in my writing…so, this made me exhausted. I was going to night school, and really trying to be and do everything… I think. After work, I went to class. On the weekends, I studied. Then there was some amount of “free” time which seems ludicrous to me now. The expectation that I thought was there, might have been in my head. I don’t know.

    And of course came hosting the holiday meals. I took this plunge one year, when I didn’t know I was expecting, but somehow the smell of collard greens cooking knocked me back! And I love collard greens! Yep, it wasn’t long before other things happened and I made an appointment at my doctor’s office, and you guessed it. A September baby was coming!

    But, here I am forty and decades later plus a couple of years. No babies to expect (of my own). Only the drive to have a happy holiday with family, friends, and pray for Peace during these times of turmoil that seems to be everywhere.

    The prayers are endless. Pray for the impact of the pandemic to lessen. Pray for a better economic situation for everyone in the world. Pray for those who are alone. Pray for those who are sick and in need of help. Pray for the homeless and those suffering difficulties due to mental health issues… And especially for the people in Ukraine who were needlessly and cruelly attacked.

    In answer to the hysteria of the holidaze around here… I can do things to mitigate the stress. I

    Just a little green thing

    Then maybe, I could just go out and take a run or jump in the pool (yes, it’s still warm outside in December it’s been in the 80’s F for a couple of weeks…).

    Welcome to climate change. A curse of humankind, but potentially it’s what happens in end times if someone in the distant past seeded this planet and set this in motion. It could be significant that there are multiple rule books that have been written – multiple versions that have a disparate appeal, depending…

    nimble_asset_IMG_0015
    Antiquities from the grands and great-grands

    But, then, it’s the holidays. We should be having a good time.

    So, why all this stress during the holidays? Lots of theories out there…

    I get told that I shouldn’t decorate so much. But it does help me to remember happy times with people who aren’t here anymore. Yes, it makes me sad, but then it makes me think about how much love there was and how they were, when they were here. Some of the decorations are really old – antiques by now, seriously. I do treasure them, because I treasure the people whose these were. The historical significance of these is immeasurable.

    nimble_asset_SonnyAndBabyWill
    Just born so many years ago

    Going out to stores to shop is crazy these days. Anything from the angry men driving the two story trucks, to the impatient women all dressed up in hot fashion just to go to the grocery store…

    It’s a statement. It requires an escalator to get into it. Behind me in traffic, honking, I think, “Gee, I hope they don’t shoot me!”

    I just get in the mode of, WTF? Can you people just relax, already? Then, I say to myself, “look who’s talking…” Eye roll. Get a grip! I guess it just depends on the person and the stress that they suffer, and how they decide to manage it.

    Me, I don’t think people should need to look intimidating. It just puts people off. I sometimes think I should experiment and say to the driver, if I got the chance, “Do you need a hug?” But, I don’t. I suppress my impulses to do something that could land me in a lot of trouble. People here are not very friendly. It’s a real mixed crowd. As long as the goats stay away from the cows, everything is fine for them, if you get my drift. Color outside the lines and they’ll be trouble.

    So, as I go about my business, I will keep trying to enjoy the next two weeks as best as I can and remember my family and friends even if it is in the tiniest of ways and gestures – of kind words, and do my part in trying to take the pressure off. I definitely need to practice at this. Learn something new every day!

    Leading up to the crescendo of Christmas and the Twelve Days thereof, what I always like to say at some point is:

    Wishing You and Yours, Peace on Earth, and Goodwill towards Humankind!

    The Kiwi Christmas Trees…
  • It hasn’t been a cheery week. To look at it another way, loss is a thing, change is a thing, and this is all a part of living.

    It hasn’t been a cheery week. To look at it another way, loss is a thing, change is a thing, and this is all a part of living.

    The transformations marked by events push our thoughts and contemplation into the mode that we, as humans, find difficult to face – our own mortality – loss and grief – and all that comes with. Some if this is anticipating future loss – what that would be like for us – and until we face these, we really don’t know.

    The uncertainty that these changes in our relationships introduce is what we have a difficult time facing. We must deal with the stress, distress, growth cycle as we go through the mental processing to get through the emotions without becoming chronically depressed and bogged down.

    Someone dear passes away suddenly. Someone else dear has a major illness which causes a major change in their lives. The collisions of trying to plan life milestone happy occasions around the changes in an important family relationship impacting everything else. Losing a beloved pet.

    Facing holidays when the normal is not there any more.

    Trying to resolve and adjust to long term events that have caused everything to undergo change. Let’s face it, if we lived under the assumption that the joyous time of winter holidays (or summer if you live down under), would always be the fun observation of traditions long held – we literally are living in some sort of fantasy land.

    What we have done is try to create new experiences. Invite people to come together to celebrate in groups where people either do not know one another or are not all related. Try to bring joy to others who would potentially be going through the holiday alone. It is not that we couldn’t celebrate our holiday all by ourselves, it is that holidays are meant to be shared.

    Family

    As for family changes, those are always ongoing. That is life. Your perception is not their perception. Their priorities are often very different and may not include you in them. As I have learned, being an “only”, without siblings, the distant nature of my relationship to others in my family constellation is often influenced by things that I do not understand. These may be unintended and likely are.

    I reflect on happy times when we were included in family gatherings. Thinking back, I wonder if that was more because my mom or grandmother had the catalytic relationship with everyone else? Once they have departed, those relationship links eroded and have taken effort to maintain. I have tried to form these or re-form them. It just seems that there is no desire and it takes two to make a relationship. These are not just a given.

    It’s not just the holidays

    Communication is difficult. De-prioritized, I think. “I’m zoomed out” “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you earlier” (earlier was possibly months ago). Short replies designed to cool the conversation. No reply at all. Try calling. No answer. Leave a message. No reply. Some have more manners than others. Some at least say, “I’m busy, I’ll get back to you” Some never do after that. What is the message? You do not rank up on the list of people that they wish to interact with on a regular basis.

    And it seems that there is a circle and my immediate family of three adults and a grandchild are not in it. As I get older, I think, “why do I continue to try?” Nobody cares, and I guess I should abandon caring. It will never be known to me whether I caused something to break, or if it, like lots of things, just deteriorates on its own and fades away.

    The artist and musician, Neil Young, has written so much about this. I think he has studied this since he was quite early in his career. What aging does to individuals and families is all a part of life, but because there are parts of this that are very unpleasant, we move through those until we get through them, at times on tiptoes, sometimes tripping and falling, sometimes through thick snow in heavy boots until the cold darkness passes. Whichever situation comes along, much of this is mental and emotional and there is no instruction manual for how to do this. I have also learned that the dynamic of age, and individual event dynamics, the people involved and such, for those it changes how we deal with getting through losses and recovering back to some sort of equilibrium.

    Families in the ideal, should support one another through these times. A lot of the time you hear the bad stories where this doesn’t happen. In my family, I suspect we are average. Maybe about a 4.5 on the scale of 1-10.

    Back to communication issues – it’s true that this is the number one problem with humans. They do not do communication well.

    The question is whether I should continue to try to reach out, or should I just stop trying and see what happens.

    Thanksgiving was one of the “try and see” times, and a few people did reach out – I actually did not intentionally not reach out, it was that I was flat-out working to prepare for guests so that we could give them a wonderful experience – as much as we could.

    So, it leaves me with a conundrum. Major decisions to make. Some of this does affect my day to day and it is very important that I do keep connections and do keep trying to communicate with certain of these people who are my family. Others, not so much, I guess. I love them. They are my family. I must face the reality that the feelings are not mutual. That’s it.

  • Just when we thought it couldn’t get any weirder…

    Just when we thought it couldn’t get any weirder…

    The full magnitude of every category of bad stuff that is happening right now is more than most of us can wrap our minds around.

    It’s clear to most people that we are witnessing a guy who is running for the most evil human (inhuman?) in history. He and his minions are doing unimaginable horrific things, as he wages his war for fake reasons, against a country who one day was just minding it’s business, and the next is being attacked viciously by armies of troops from the next door neighbor who previously decades ago, “owned” them and now wants them back.

    Isn’t that special? What a turd. What a really awful sick jerk – some would think he is a madman, but he functions more like a mastermind of evil. Turd is too nice of a description.

    Seriously, a turd is better than this ass-clown piece of work who is vying with Adolf Hitler for most evil inhuman human ever. We just can’t conceive of the horrific things that he has people doing. We think the Taliban is bad, this guy makes the Taliban look like angels… well maybe not angels, but needless to say he’s magnitudes worse – a card carrying officer of evil.

    He doesn’t even try to use religion as his base. His goal is to take over the world. He’s like a smiling Satan. Attractive to some. He lures them in. Then he does whatever he wants if they are not 100% loyal – and even if they are, he might decide that he believes that they are not, and does away with them – he “disappears” them. He leaves fingerprints. He doesn’t care.

    What the world is starting to do is realize that likely the only way they can get him to stop is to cut him off and starve his people so that they begin putting pressure on him wink-wink to stop. However that would happen. He keeps himself in an extremely secured place – it shows how paranoid he is – and if people step out of line, or he has no use for them anymore, it’s curtains for them.

    First there are sanctions. Beginning with the rich and powerful, then working down into the hearts and minds of the citizenry. Cut off the money where possible. Transportation. Communication. Take the shiny pretty things. Deprive them of basic supplies. As sanctions cut off all sorts of necessities that sustain the country, like McDonald’s and Burger King, people may figure out that the world is not happy with him in a big way. No joke. The squeeze will get tighter and tighter.

    Plus the kicker is that this also affects mobile devices and support for those addictive objects. No more games, kids! Daddy has been bad, so you don’t get to play! Who loves Russian TV? Nobody.

    He tells them that they are fighting Nazis. How the hell did he come up with this? The leader of the country is Jewish, FFS! Seriously? Couldn’t make up a different reason? WTF? But his people who are loyal to him are buying it. Some aren’t. Some have left. Where can they go? That’s the question.

    The issue is that his propaganda machine is so strong, and he’s a dick-tater in a fake democracy. If people step out of line, he has those arrested that go against him – and God only knows how big his prison capacity is – it could be that one day he has most of the population in prisons and he and a small portion (minions) are all that’s left. Imagine that. In fiction such things have happened. Dystopian? Real? We will see. He sits on resources that many depend upon, outside of his country, so this will be a re-balancing of dependencies for those countries affected.

    He’s the evil guy people knew deep down they should have never trusted. Those that did are crying now. It will take awhile to work out how to become unsnared.

    It’s not like when the dinosaurs got wiped out by a meteor, but almost.

    It’s certainly interesting to watch our friends at Anonymous do what they do best for the “rest of the world” aka “team”. You go folks – dig out and expose everything you can for the good of the planet. Please.

    Certainly interesting to watch all of this unfold and to be, especially in admiration of the Ukrainians and their leader. What a guy – and to think that the big cheeto(r) tried to jerk him around… That action was a sign that something with the big cheeto was amiss.

    But we know that. We know that the creep waging war now had a lot to do with the big cheeto being elected in the first place. The creep has pictures of the big cheeto doing outlandish things, right? It’s all a part of the creepy underworld of rich folks that love to flirt with adventure and danger – to do weird things for money – like some sort of gigolo. And somehow, as this is figured out, we likely will see some shameful faces. “Yeah, well… I thought it was a good idea at the time.”

    Lots of evidence points to the creep’s minions manipulating everything from public opinions and the voting in just the right places on election night in 2016, as we sat in shock as the returns came in. This didn’t just happen in the US, but has also in other places. Something was up. Something is up. Perhaps parts of a larger scheme as yet to be uncovered.

    All the visits by the republican politicians from every walk and level of politics to Russia, to be wined and dined (or “vodka’d”, as it were) – what do you think?

    Some of these are people so gullible that they likely signed on to get favors, because favors are what they love to give and receive! For some of them, it relates somehow to their version of Jesus and in their contorted vision of the world, all of this fits – because these “leaders” are prophets protected by their God, and they should listen to them. Hallelujah!

    The “revival” style political rallies that these “leaders” host are based on a template created by the televangelists from the large evangelical organizations. When they travel, the goal is to raise bazillions by hosting these “whip up the crowd” style gatherings then making everyone feel special for attending by structuring the speeches to hit them right in the heart of their souls with blather that somehow makes them feel justified in all their grumblings and deep seated anger.

    Then come out at the end (or sometimes in the beginning with those “special deals for special people”) come the hooks that are designed to have attendees get out their credit cards, check books, or “hey we’ll take cash” – even PayPal and Apple Pay! There’s a sucker born every minute. The hooks have the bait and those that are caught – the gullible – send the cash. Bird-nests on the ground.

    Elections are like sporting events – the Super Bowls of politics. 2016 was a big one. The proof of concept that elections could indeed be manipulated. 2020 was the disappointment and these people are furious. They decided to not take it. They decided to organize and plan the attack to stop it and turn it back – Insurrection 1.0. Watch this space. Meanwhile, those that partook do the old gaslighting trick – accuse everyone else of doing the wrongs that they themselves undertook – and saying it loud over and over and over to make the point. Investigations go on and results are as thin as chicken broth.

    Later leading up to the 2016 election, it was tricky. The players were such that it was a delicate situation. It was certainly tampering by “those people controlled by that guy, the head of that country”, the FBI said it was, and the CIA, and what’s that guy’s name that we forgot that did that long investigation? Mueller? Yeah him. All that was buried in the vault.

    But it didn’t die. 2020 happened. Again, the sheer outlandishness was enough to scare enough people that many are demanding that this kind of nonsense be stopped. There are multiple investigations ongoing. People are getting impatient. How could we let this go? We all hope that the time is coming close where the evidence is overwhelming and the warrants go out – and the cases are iron clad – because there will be a lot of fight and resistance – and no doubt the authorities have to plan how to deal with this – everywhere.

    Back to this war in Ukraine… Sure glad that Zelensky is there because he sure knows how to connect with his people and within them there don’t seem to be a large proportion of butt-heads like we have here that still support the loser ex-president of the USA. They are fighting back, and the rest of the free world is sending them weapons, money, and taking in their people who have escaped – those numbers are mounting daily. Tragedies continue to unfold. No one really knows the depth and bench strength of the attackers. Their display isn’t elegant, but they are persistent. However, the resistance that they face, right now, is more persistent than they ever dreamed it would be.

    I’m not opinionated, but I LOVE our President right now – he rocks! Thank God he has enough experience that he is not shooting from the hip on this… Scary to think if this had happened with his predecessor.

    But there is much that we do not know, and will not know until actions are taken, despite the ongoing assumptions on social media that somehow we will get warning. That will not happen.

    Sometimes in the minds of individuals who think about this all the time, the notion comes up – is the war in Ukraine a big decoy? “Look over here” while something happens over there that is bigger and badder, more sinister than anyone could imagine. We thought it was bad in 2020…

    Well, it sure is weird. It’s very very sad for people there and it’s so frightening and devastating beyond anyone’s imagination. The people of Ukraine were just living life one day, then the next, everything changed and for some, life is taken away. Everything.

    Earth is the strangest place I’ve ever been.

    From a flyer distributed on campus in my freshman year in University in 1971.

    Don’t take your daily life for granted. That’s the lesson here.