ellenspictures

Category: Optimism

hello 2015

The year’s beginning is always full of hope. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. What really happens is that you have another year ahead, and for those creative types, it gives a fresh canvas with a new palette full of colors – you choose – you think (!)

Well, the other day, we had that experience where you get so amazed you can’t stand yourself… at least, I always do… These beautiful creatures are likely more intelligent and live the best example of existence of any beings on our planet… Think about it.

These creatures are not excessive. They kill only what they eat. They have communities and seem to have the whole leadership thing down without imposing undue cruelty to anyone in the group. Probably need to check my facts, but I think it is so.

They somehow have figured out how to keep scary predators away most of the time – sharks are afraid of them – go figure…

At any rate, having this experience of suddenly being surrounded by these beautiful creatures – having them put on a show, and two of them dive under the little boat we were in – made us feel like they picked us to surround and entertain, clicking, splashing, dancing (didn’t catch that on the video, but I was madly trying to grab my iPhone and catch the most that I could – wish I had…) get what I could, while standing in a boat with fairly much choppy sea around us, and then the final tail slapping – the whole experience was like watching a fireworks display! The tail slapping was like the finale!

New Year… followed two days later… We can choose to be optimistic. Lots of reasons for that…

Let’s hope that this was a sign… We need a good year, as always…

December 31, 2014
It’s a Kiwi Christmas – Chapter Two

Wow. It’s a Kiwi Christmas. The Monarchs are here… Busy with their mating rituals. It’s Summer – very different to associate Christmas with Summer, but I am trying…

We attended Christmas Eve church services at a Catholic Church last night – we aren’t Catholic, mind-you, but did want to go to church, so my brother-in-law invited us to his church. What an amazing experience.

The church congregation is comprised of a number of South Sea Islanders and others from everywhere you can imagine, with a few “English” thrown in for contrast – gorgeous outfits, some native, kids of every size and the most wonderful pageant – a beautiful experience with singing and the liturgical ceremony – not quite what I am accustomed to attending, but very close. We had just been to a Baptism there and so it was not unfamiliar…

My brother-in-law is this big Samoan guy – very comfortable at the church since his mom and dad live right across the street, and he grew up attending – and it was his neighborhood – so it was a very good glimpse into his world. We had supper with his family right after services, and it was totally awesome to break bread with them – then share in their Christmas Eve Santa Traditions…

Gorgeous and loving they all are. Their 100+ year old grandmother in the next room – still sitting up in bed, but having one foot in her next world. The family near, all took turns at her command, coming in and visiting with her – but, really, it was her world that she invited them to glimpse…

Now it is Christmas Day here in Auckland… Sunny and coolish this morning… to heat up later… All of this is really laid-back and normal for the locals – for me, “The American” it is different in a way that I can’t put my finger on… and maybe it is just different from my family traditions.

I think of my Mom’s side of the family – the “milk punch” (yuk), the long ramp up to the meal, after a big breakfast that my Dad cooked for us – usually some kind of eggs and bacon – some kind of gloriously sweet rolls that might have been Pillsbury, but pretty good nonetheless. I am still trying to adjust traditions.

Anyhow, more on this topic later…

Merry Christmas 2014!

December 24, 2014
Maybe it is just a process… You know, like life is just a process? Reflection pools…

Yeah, of course… it’s the memories…

This was the second Christmas… Good to try to improve the first one…

It seems like such a long time ago – and I was… This was representative of hope – I actually have an old VHS of this day – and it snowed, too… which was interesting, because it doesn’t snow that much where we live, in Texas…

Rob was just over a year old. I have some other pictures of him – walking and running around like a Wildman that he was – of course a total contrast from 1987, when just a month old he was recovering from surgery and just out of the neo-natal ICU… We weren’t sure of much at the time… not at all. Scary. But 1988 was a turnaround improvement. We thought he actually might stay awhile… And he did. Almost 18 years total – but we never knew. Every cold, every sniffle brought some potential for a tumble down.

We learned to go to battle each time, getting better as we learned, only to know how much we had yet to learn, each time. The vastness of the giant battle against an enemy that can take many forms. Christmas was always the hopeful time, no matter what. We made it that way.

Rob, as he grew up, always was feisty and sometimes people did not suspect anything – in fact, as he got older, he preferred that people not know… for him, it was better that way, day to day.

At 1988, Rob moved into “live it to the fullest” mode and never looked back…ever. This is why Christmas time did represent so much hope to us…

Looking out… Observing and exploring…

Now, I have to re-learn how to regard Christmas. The first year was unbelievably tough. With every year, it has morphed and the character of my grieving has changed. It still is preferred to just be low key, but I feel that I am more of an observer, just going through motions. No, it doesn’t help having friends there while I attempt to decorate the tree – nah. Not when it took me three martini’s per session the last time I did this, and it took me several “sessions” to “git ‘er done”… And then, there is the “dismantling”… oh my God in Heaven, please deliver me from having to go through THAT. I’d rather not.

So, what to do? Escape? Doesn’t really solve the problem, now, does it? I guess that I will continue to slog through it one year at a time, hoping for hope, hoping that each year I will change my feelings and lift myself up. One thing is for sure, nobody else can do this for me… I must do this myself.

Maybe this will be the year. Hope floats.

December 21, 2014