ellenspictures

Category: memories

  • Another one bites the dust… Maybe we really weren’t friends…

    Another one bites the dust… Maybe we really weren’t friends…

    In my life, friends have come and gone – some really have gone, but that’s another subject for another day…

    When you look back on your life, you reflect on your actions, the setting, and mostly, the people, at least I do that. Who was there…what we did…the memorable conversation… And what? It ended, we moved on or we maybe still have some semblance of a relationship. We can think back and go, “Oh, that was really a great time..” Sometimes we forget about most of the bad parts of our episodes in life, thinking that things were hunky-dory, then someone else who was there brings up that thing that wasn’t so hunky-dory – and so it goes – everyone has their own perspectives.

    And then, there are the aspects of aging and the memories (the old noggin hard drive is getting packed with them) – and the memory capabilities – apparently, from about 40, it goes downhill from there – yet many people have very good capabilities of retention of certain memories, and zilch for others – selective…

    Then there’s the replay that we cannot seem to control. Over and over it plays, keeping us up at night when the sleep robbers are most active…

    When I think of a twenty-plus year relationship, and then suddenly you realize that it wasn’t what you thought it was, it’s that Winnie-the-Pooh quote:

    ” When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”

    It’s how it is when this happens… What your premise was, is not what the other person’s premise is and suddenly, you find out in a situation whereby you go, “Wow. Really?” Then you must process that, come to grips with it, like anything else, it’s a “change management” process that your mind must go through – your emotions included – to adjust. Here we go again.

    Then, there’s the ego threat – am I right, am I wrong, is it “no-fault”? Is there any peace? Yes. There might be some peace, but you have to work for it.

    Existential Thought of the Day: “If I just sit here and be quiet, will anyone call? Will anyone write? Will I just eventually disappear?”

  • compelled to write…

    compelled to write…

    Putting up the holiday decorations…

    Each year, this is frankly my least favorite activity.  But, I am compelled to get this done before my birthday, before I find myself well into January, looking at this chore.  It will make me feel better to get all of this completed!

    A mixmaster of memories – good, bad, traumatic, joyful, sad, happy, bittersweet – each ornament seemingly drives something from my inventory of emotions – something that might be perilous but also might bring lots of thoughts about funny and happy times – by this time, however, it’s decades over decades of these, overlain onto one another –

    Some of these ornaments are very old – depression era – even older than that – and I worry about being the guardian of these – for future generations – does anyone care these days?

    My older relatives, not that there are that many left, have not exactly held that feeling of importance, about keeping the antiquities – they have downsized efficiently over the last few years – thinking that ten years ago, they were just a little older than I am now, and they were downsizing then – and yes, I know it is time to downsize – clean up – pare down – sort, slice, dice, and whatever it takes to keep people from having to do the work that we are doing to “get rid of shit” that we really do not care that much about, or we do, but one or the other of us finds that the accumulation is annoying and it causes issues beyond just having the stuff occupy space.

    In consideration of all that, I likely need to think about this when I am “accumulating” – i.e., stop – and begin the progression of paring down activities – not unlike recycling, it is conscious effort to take up the habit of doing so.

    Here We Are In The Years.  Neil Young said in his song, years ago – “Now that the holidays have come – They can relax and watch the sun – Rise above all of the beautiful things they’ve done… Time itself is bought and sold – The spreading fear of growing old – Contains a thousand foolish games that we play – While people planning trips to stars – Allow another boulevard to claim a quiet country lane – It’s insane”  From October 2, 1968.

    Yes, it is.  Each year, it seems that these words ring true even more than the year before.  Holidays or no, soon I will be marking another trip around the sun, one more time.

    My quest?  Find more joy in the world – how can we do that?  It’s an edgy place.  Thinking of taking down my Facebook account.  Saving all the data.  Starting all over.  It’s an idea.  Not thinking that the experiment has worked out so well…

  • OK, it is getting bad now. Are you guys going to do something?

    OK, it is getting bad now. Are you guys going to do something?

    Yes.  It is extremely beyond the realm of disturbing.  Those who experienced the days of Watergate most certainly are trying to relate these days to those days, but there are many changes that have happened during the time since that make these days so wild and crazy that those days look like a scene out of Currier and Ives – and if you don’t know who that is, let’s just say that was serene by comparison.

    In January, I asked you to consider the tomato.  Well, that was then and this is now.  Still keep your eye on the tomato, as it is important.  What is more going on is that we have an unpredictability that has created an underlying anxiety and tension, an uncertainty that we only thought we imagined would happen – those of us who worried at the outcome in November 2016.  As for those who wanted someone who would “disrupt” – well, you got that and everything you did not wish for besides.

    The recently publicized meeting of the “staff” called into my memory the Twilight Zone of the 1960’s.  In situations, where there was a “disturbed” person who had a grip on everyone, the interfaces were all so extremely polite and no one dared to speak ill of the “disturbed” person – only we, the viewers of The Zone, knew that this was not going to end well for anyone unless someone got brave enough to sneak out (somehow impossible), and run like hell to the nearest neighbor with a phone.  No cell phones back then, no sir.  Yet, today, we have rapid communication, constantly buzzing – and no one comes to the rescue!  Good grief – if only they knew what they had at their fingertips!  Imagine the ones that didn’t get away… Yikes.

    Let’s check this off:  One crazy family (kind of like The Addams Family, but weirder), a “whimsical” leader, who is more like a crazy monarch than an elected official.  Sometimes he acts sort of normalish, then other times, he just can’t keep under control – kind of like that old uncle that you might have had once, who everyone had around on holidays, but winced the entire time until he left… And then there’s Twitter.  And the media.  And all of the “pundits” who have an opinion who really are not doing anyone any favors – just keeping us all stirred up all the time, 24 X 7.  Did you notice that this “leader” does not ever stop – he works all the time!

    And he is 70+  Holy Moly!  It’s shocking and wrong in so many ways that it does your head in… seriously.  And that “wife” of his… Bless her.  Can you even imagine what she is thinking?  There’s the “Daughter-Wife” and the “Son in Law” and then the band of loosely related “brothers”, and of course, “Little Sister” who is going off to become a lawyer – seriously?  Right.

    As you know, six months of collecting all of this thinking, it’s worse than predicted at this point.  No one seems to want to do anything and some people even think that “it’s OK – we just need to give “him” a chance” – whaaaaat?  Let me ask you, do you think he would give YOU a CHANCE?  Not in your life.

    It is all truly disturbing – that is an understatement.

    Stay tuned folks, it won’t be long before the shit hits the fan:  what’s your bet?  Will we see “tipping point” within the year?

    The rumbling has begun – and what is it that they say, “Let’s rumble?”  No, it’s not okay and hopefully, someone will do something and be a hero – get us back to the middle where we belong…

    June 14, 2017 – Flag Day