ellenspictures

Category: millenial

  • Twenty one years after. June 24, 2005.

    Twenty one years after. June 24, 2005.

    Recently, George, Rob’s transplant doctor, has been communicating with me about the book that he is writing, about his experience as a lung transplant specialist. Rob and I are both in the book under pseudonyms due to HIPPA regulations and protecting privacy. I contributed a few years back to this large effort as he was getting started.

    I think back about the day, every year, and how things unfolded. Now, it’s been a significant period of time and as time has the effect of change, nothing would look or be the same. The procedures have changed. George told me that because Rob had Mycobacterium abscessus (MyA for short), no more did they do this surgery until the prospective patient had completed a treatment protocol that completely clears the bug from the patient’s system.

    I guess that was a contribution, but it makes me sad that the due diligence wasn’t in place back then or perhaps this was not as prevalent. So much has changed in CF treatment and the new pharmaceutical products are truly amazing because they are helping so many people today that to put it plainly, would be dead otherwise.

    At this point I don’t get weepy. I just feel kind of blah and sort of sad, of course, and think about what it would be like if he was still here and then I tell myself that that is stupid and only hurts so I try to claw that back and think about something else.

    Do we ever get over it? That is a stupid expectation. Of course we don’t. Do we “move on”? Nope. That is another stupid expectation. Do we change? Yes. We do change and we try to look for the good in things if we can. Do I have regrets? Not really. We knew (Rob knew) his trajectory. There was not another viable treatment decision besides sitting and waiting to drown in infected secretions and know that his lungs would eventually fail. That was not an option for him, he decided this early on.

    We supported him the whole journey. His friends. His family. I did a lions share of supporting him for his physical needs and emotional as well. My mom, once she regained most of her “better self” behaviorally, was immensely supportive of Rob and spent a lot of time with him while I was at work. That was critical and I am eternally grateful.

    There was a lot going on in his final years, and for that I am extremely sad and regretful that this happened. It was actually going on about half of his life, but I wasn’t aware and then it snowballed into it’s own event horizon. That was very tragic. But my main focus was keeping him alive until God decided that this was no longer in the plan.

    So here we are in the years after. I am getting old(er) and my perspectives change as one would imagine. I am trying to stay in reasonable health. Every time I go into a hospital I think of Rob and how much of his life he spent going to doctor visits, lab work visits, and being treated in the hospital. Not as much as some people with CF have, but more than “normal” kids…

    He did have a lot of friends and was very socially engaged with them. They had a good time when they were together, even if they got into some not that bad trouble, they usually came away unscathed. I think of how funny those guys were when they were together. That is a treasured memory. How many hours they spent behind screens playing games with each other and others that they met in their gaming communities.

    Rob was a typical Millennial (Gen Y) guy. His brother (a typical Gen X) was always frustrated by this, of course. Had Rob lived to know his nephew who is a Gen Alpha, they probably would have gotten along fabulously, as his nephew observes the same habits, likes and dislikes, and tendencies. At least I imagine that this is how things would be, but this is just a guess.

    I will end this writing today. I share with other friends being a member of the Club for Moms Whose Kids Have Left the Planet. We may talk a little about this but every experience is unique. We hug and are grateful to have had our kids in our lives for as long as it was intended to be.

    We know we never had control of that timeline. It’s a God thing.

  • OK, it is getting bad now. Are you guys going to do something?

    OK, it is getting bad now. Are you guys going to do something?

    Yes.  It is extremely beyond the realm of disturbing.  Those who experienced the days of Watergate most certainly are trying to relate these days to those days, but there are many changes that have happened during the time since that make these days so wild and crazy that those days look like a scene out of Currier and Ives – and if you don’t know who that is, let’s just say that was serene by comparison.

    In January, I asked you to consider the tomato.  Well, that was then and this is now.  Still keep your eye on the tomato, as it is important.  What is more going on is that we have an unpredictability that has created an underlying anxiety and tension, an uncertainty that we only thought we imagined would happen – those of us who worried at the outcome in November 2016.  As for those who wanted someone who would “disrupt” – well, you got that and everything you did not wish for besides.

    The recently publicized meeting of the “staff” called into my memory the Twilight Zone of the 1960’s.  In situations, where there was a “disturbed” person who had a grip on everyone, the interfaces were all so extremely polite and no one dared to speak ill of the “disturbed” person – only we, the viewers of The Zone, knew that this was not going to end well for anyone unless someone got brave enough to sneak out (somehow impossible), and run like hell to the nearest neighbor with a phone.  No cell phones back then, no sir.  Yet, today, we have rapid communication, constantly buzzing – and no one comes to the rescue!  Good grief – if only they knew what they had at their fingertips!  Imagine the ones that didn’t get away… Yikes.

    Let’s check this off:  One crazy family (kind of like The Addams Family, but weirder), a “whimsical” leader, who is more like a crazy monarch than an elected official.  Sometimes he acts sort of normalish, then other times, he just can’t keep under control – kind of like that old uncle that you might have had once, who everyone had around on holidays, but winced the entire time until he left… And then there’s Twitter.  And the media.  And all of the “pundits” who have an opinion who really are not doing anyone any favors – just keeping us all stirred up all the time, 24 X 7.  Did you notice that this “leader” does not ever stop – he works all the time!

    And he is 70+  Holy Moly!  It’s shocking and wrong in so many ways that it does your head in… seriously.  And that “wife” of his… Bless her.  Can you even imagine what she is thinking?  There’s the “Daughter-Wife” and the “Son in Law” and then the band of loosely related “brothers”, and of course, “Little Sister” who is going off to become a lawyer – seriously?  Right.

    As you know, six months of collecting all of this thinking, it’s worse than predicted at this point.  No one seems to want to do anything and some people even think that “it’s OK – we just need to give “him” a chance” – whaaaaat?  Let me ask you, do you think he would give YOU a CHANCE?  Not in your life.

    It is all truly disturbing – that is an understatement.

    Stay tuned folks, it won’t be long before the shit hits the fan:  what’s your bet?  Will we see “tipping point” within the year?

    The rumbling has begun – and what is it that they say, “Let’s rumble?”  No, it’s not okay and hopefully, someone will do something and be a hero – get us back to the middle where we belong…

    June 14, 2017 – Flag Day

  • my problem and how I solved it…

    my problem and how I solved it…

    the title of this post is from an old column that used to run in The Readers Digest magazine.  It used to tell about how someone had a really tough life problem and how they got the problem, then how they solved it – or how things got better.  there were other columns that ran, and I used to read these sitting in the laundromat, waiting for my clothes to dry, especially.  must have been that people dumped off their old magazines at the laundromat, and that was a good thing for those of us who sat for hours and did the laundry once a week – not being able to afford a washer and dryer where they lived – students, young workers, and who knows who else.  it’s where we were and how we did things like this.

    yeah, my college and young career life was like that.  day by day, work my way up – had to earn every bit of it, no question in my mind – it was how it was done, back then.  still is, truth be told.

    we talked to some students about careers today.  I think that what is most interesting at the end of the talks these days is the noticeable lack of questions.  here is the opportunity to be proactive, and few take advantage.  about three to be exact.  some just listened and watched, and I wondered what they were thinking.  I tried to make eye contact with everyone of the students who attended.

    it is an interesting thing as you get older in your career, how you think about your early career and how differently people approach careers these days compared to that. we did not have “mobile devices” and we did not have “instant everything”, but, regardless of changes, today is much the same —  it is still a world of work, where you must figure out where the little door is to get on the train, and begin that career journey – kind of like Harry Potter at the train station… I love that part of the movie – the first one – where they are looking for their train stop.

    likely some of the people were “sheerly” terrified today, listening about the “insights” that we were trying to give them, probably thinking “yikes, I screwed up – it is the eleventh hour and I haven’t done what they said.”  well, it’s never too late.

    thinking of starting miz magic’s mentoring site for people who really want to get a job, want to work once they get there, don’t mind working, and don’t feel like the job and all that comes with should be “handed to them on a silver platter. voila, where’s the orange sauce?”  more it might be “get that damned thing out of your hand, stop staring at it, stop texting, and pay attention!”  or, “you want a manager job and you’ve only been here two years?  fuggeduboudit – you will need to work your ass off, just like I did and my boss did and yes, you might have to do some boring shit, but guess what?  we all have had to do boring stuff, sometimes for years, but that is how we learned about real work.  sorry, movies are fiction.  and no, you can’t bring rover to work with you and no, there is not a keg in the break room fridge…”  “get over it, get a cup of coffee and get to it!”

    career development advice.  never stop learning, get used to learning from failure, and do the hard boring stuff, it builds character.  ’nuff said.