Category: gen-X

  • Twenty one years after. June 24, 2005.

    Twenty one years after. June 24, 2005.

    Recently, George, Rob’s transplant doctor, has been communicating with me about the book that he is writing, about his experience as a lung transplant specialist. Rob and I are both in the book under pseudonyms due to HIPPA regulations and protecting privacy. I contributed a few years back to this large effort as he was getting started.

    I think back about the day, every year, and how things unfolded. Now, it’s been a significant period of time and as time has the effect of change, nothing would look or be the same. The procedures have changed. George told me that because Rob had Mycobacterium abscessus (MyA for short), no more did they do this surgery until the prospective patient had completed a treatment protocol that completely clears the bug from the patient’s system.

    I guess that was a contribution, but it makes me sad that the due diligence wasn’t in place back then or perhaps this was not as prevalent. So much has changed in CF treatment and the new pharmaceutical products are truly amazing because they are helping so many people today that to put it plainly, would be dead otherwise.

    At this point I don’t get weepy. I just feel kind of blah and sort of sad, of course, and think about what it would be like if he was still here and then I tell myself that that is stupid and only hurts so I try to claw that back and think about something else.

    Do we ever get over it? That is a stupid expectation. Of course we don’t. Do we “move on”? Nope. That is another stupid expectation. Do we change? Yes. We do change and we try to look for the good in things if we can. Do I have regrets? Not really. We knew (Rob knew) his trajectory. There was not another viable treatment decision besides sitting and waiting to drown in infected secretions and know that his lungs would eventually fail. That was not an option for him, he decided this early on.

    We supported him the whole journey. His friends. His family. I did a lions share of supporting him for his physical needs and emotional as well. My mom, once she regained most of her “better self” behaviorally, was immensely supportive of Rob and spent a lot of time with him while I was at work. That was critical and I am eternally grateful.

    There was a lot going on in his final years, and for that I am extremely sad and regretful that this happened. It was actually going on about half of his life, but I wasn’t aware and then it snowballed into it’s own event horizon. That was very tragic. But my main focus was keeping him alive until God decided that this was no longer in the plan.

    So here we are in the years after. I am getting old(er) and my perspectives change as one would imagine. I am trying to stay in reasonable health. Every time I go into a hospital I think of Rob and how much of his life he spent going to doctor visits, lab work visits, and being treated in the hospital. Not as much as some people with CF have, but more than “normal” kids…

    He did have a lot of friends and was very socially engaged with them. They had a good time when they were together, even if they got into some not that bad trouble, they usually came away unscathed. I think of how funny those guys were when they were together. That is a treasured memory. How many hours they spent behind screens playing games with each other and others that they met in their gaming communities.

    Rob was a typical Millennial (Gen Y) guy. His brother (a typical Gen X) was always frustrated by this, of course. Had Rob lived to know his nephew who is a Gen Alpha, they probably would have gotten along fabulously, as his nephew observes the same habits, likes and dislikes, and tendencies. At least I imagine that this is how things would be, but this is just a guess.

    I will end this writing today. I share with other friends being a member of the Club for Moms Whose Kids Have Left the Planet. We may talk a little about this but every experience is unique. We hug and are grateful to have had our kids in our lives for as long as it was intended to be.

    We know we never had control of that timeline. It’s a God thing.

  • the millennial mindset and me

    the millennial mindset and me

    I read blogs out there on the inter-universe, and articles, which are really blog pieces, and I think to myself – I just feel confused about where I fit.  But thankfully, a fellow-writer, Julia Bell, has this piece that tells us that it is actually important to think about your purpose, and accept yourself.

    Millennials the Consumer Majority.

    There is a lot of talk about Millennials these days, because they are at the heart of the labor force and consumer groups that are the focus of advertising and the media.  I go back to that generational part of my life when I was in my 30’s (phase into where they are moving or are), and think about the crazy parts, especially, and how, if I had to do that now, would I manage it – if differently, or not.

    #ThinkLikeAMillenial

    I’m not necessarily like some people “my age”.  I have these friends and neighbors and they are around “my age”, but let’s just say that we don’t always align on some pretty major things.  It’s like my feet are stuck in the mud of one time frame, and those people are pretty satisfied with moving on, getting into their senior years and all that comes with that.  Sometimes we relate on some things, like I said, and this yields some pretty interesting conversations, especially if adult beverages are involved…

    It’s hard to be “me”, without letting my feelings about certain things out of the bag, which immediately categorizes me it a lot of people’s minds, and there you go.

    What you must know is that I might not fit into the “boomer” mindset completely, maybe a little, but not anywhere near 50%, even.  Actually, I just measured.  I’m not even in the “Boomer” range on the scale.

    While people are “enjoying retirement”, I am doing “business development”.  I figure, just go until you are stopped… by something, other than yourself.

    If you are interested in seeing where you fit, take this survey and contribute to Pew Research:

    How Millennial Are You?    You see, I’m pretty much half way to being a Millennial!

    how millenial are youWhy is this important?

    Let’s take the targeted advertising, for instance.  People are trying to get you to buy stuff.  It may be pure crap.  But they look at how you surf the net, and Facebook, and LinkedIn, and every other social media site.  They probably monitor your phone calls, for all I know.  There is NO PRIVACY.  This has been a factoid for many years – likely well over 15.

    “They” may look at your chronological age and assess, “this person needs to be looking at bathtubs with doors, or those seat things that move you up stairs on some sort of pulley mechanism to get you to the top without you having to climb, or catheters, or comfortable shoes, or knee braces, or”  You get it, right?

    Every time one of these ads pops up onto my radar, I’m thinking, “Really?”  Why me?  Well, it’s because of these constantly churning information collecting/analytical info-bots, looking to enable people to sell to the right audience – but they can be wrong – but do they care?  Not really.  They try to refine based on what you actually do buy vs. what they thought you might buy, and so forth.

    If you want to wack them out a bit, when you are “retirement age”, sign up for a Seventeen Magazine subscription, WIRED, some news magazine (take your pick), and one other one that is discordant – it gets “them” confused.  It’s the Andy Rooney influence…

    Yet there can be advantages.

    When I turned 40, my Mom signed me up for AARP.  I still like AARP so that I can get the old-people discounts, plus they are lobbying for “us” – and they have a strong voice behind the effort.

    My Mom was not by any stretch of the imagination anything but smart.  She was an activist of sorts, and spoke her opinion (maybe a bit too much at times).  She got a little flaky in her last years on earth, but she was still intellectually top notch.  She, too, did not align with people her own age and had many younger friends.

    There is an urge that I have, sometimes, walking in stores, or wherever you’re in a crowd, to ask people, whose age I can’t guess, “Can you answer a simple question for me?  How old are you?”  I think that they’re likely to either to flip me off, or maybe lie, or they just might tell me the truth.  If I could correlate this with their picture, even better.  But, this is a delusional idea – probably, especially these days, people would give you “that look” (crazy lady alert!)… And just walk off…

    Predictable Outcomes?

    Just a few years ago, five to be exact, a notice went out to those attending my high-school reunion: “Those who need assistance to walk upstairs, please let us know such that we can get assistance for moving you in and out of the building, when you arrive and depart.”  Whoa.  These are people that would not even be 60 yet.  Geeze-Louise.

    And then, I thought about the prior 10-year reunion, and why they sent the message about disabilities out makes sense.  There was an interesting picture taken of the members of our class who attended.  A large percentage were in the extremely obese range of weight.  Yeah, I imagine that their joints are not holding up so well by now.

    So, I get on my treadmill, and tread.  Every day, if possible – or do something else to “feed the Fitbit”…  I don’t fight with it , I know that this has to happen.  I get out and “wog” on the trails, weather permitting, and I do what I can to stay as healthy as I can, because, God only knows, they sock it to the old people who get sick and take away all of their money, even their homes and such – but that is quite another story… they actually will do that to anybody, regardless of age.

    When I am facing questions related to my age: 

    Q:  What do I do about things like fashion?

    A:  Go comfy.  If it hurts, don’t wear it. This goes for clothes and shoes.  Absolutely NO stilettos.  Broken arches and ankles do not serve anyone very well.

    Q:  Glasses, what frames do I choose?  You see, I kind of feel like people prejudge me because of my glasses frames, and the thickness of the lenses, when I know full well that there are people who have worn thick lenses since they were in grade-school – so, why prejudge me for this?  It’s silly.

    A:  I wear those that enable me to see the best.  If there are big fat frames around my view, it is limiting my view.  Enough said.

    Q:  What about my hair?

    A:  No, I am NOT going to get that short haircut again that makes me look like any other middle-aged, stodgy aging woman that wears pantsuits with elastic waistbands made of polyester or rayon mu-mu’s, for that matter.  We start losing our curves and become “Weebles” (thank you Hasbro).

    weebles-webecomeTMI – Information – Dis-information – Re-Digested Opinions

    Information that looks like one thing that is actually another thing – appearance is not always reality.  Go with your gut.

    OK,  when I really think about this and it makes me a bit dizzy, I have to step back to a book called Gut that was written in 2006, by Karen Salamansohn, about using your intuition, that I purchased back then – after my first Myers-Briggs scoring.  My score was very high “N” – in fact it is within my four letter MB descriptor.  This score, subsequently, has been validated over and over by other tests that measure this.  I do have strong intuition.  Measured.  Felt.

    I have to listen to my gut, as imperfect as it is, as not listening to it has put me in a bad place more than once – you live, you learn.  If there is something not quite right sometimes, and it drives me crazy until I solve it.  That’s how “intuitive life” is.

    IMG_7867

    At any rate, I am still observing the culture – every day.  There is so much information, and with the way that I think and with my strong intuition, I can only conclude that taking the high ground is the safest way to keep from drowning.  It seems to work at a number of levels right now…