ellenspictures

Category: Lucy

  • an eight-pound sledgehammer for Mother’s Day – who said that I’m typical?

    an eight-pound sledgehammer for Mother’s Day – who said that I’m typical?

    The call from my grandson started me out today – waking up suddenly, realizing that the phone was going off – but always, I love these FaceTime visits – just watching him, amazed at his rapid growth, and how fast he moves around – his saying “da-da-da-da-da” plus a thousand other sounds that are his baby babble – the baby language – understandable to themselves and other babies (my theory) – the cacophony of developing language within the baby human’s skill set at age 9 months… delightful!

    He has discovered cars and blocks, already playing with these little toy cars, knowing that they roll – his skills at doing this are not quite there yet, but he gets it – what they are going to do – and blocks – exploring every shape – picking them up, then delightedly throwing them down!  How wonderful to watch – I long to be there with him, but recognize that life is complicated for everyone and the daily routines consume everyone’s interests and priorities over seeing grandma who lives in another place at a distance.  Thank goodness for technology!

    My sweet husband cooked a beautiful brunch, and he plus our big fuzzy dog got me cards to open – we drank bubbly and enjoyed the time – making a plan for the rest of the afternoon, my husband suggested visiting my younger son’s resting place after grabbing a Starbucks coffee – the routine we do – I have done – since Rob passed on in 2005.  It does not really get easier, but it changes in character, this visiting.

    We took a tour of Wal-Mart and two big-box hardware stores in search of a big hammer (we ended up with an 8 pounder!) – and another steel plate, plus some alligator clips to mount onto some cable to mount onto a block which I can use to hold things while soldering or working on them – my husband is a clever craftsman and knows some tricks!

    I proudly told the check-out guy that my Mother’s Day gift was an eight-pound sledge hammer!  He looked at me and said something like “how sad!”  Well, I didn’t think it was sad… I wanted that big hammer for making my mixed media wearables – some aspects of which do require pounding!

    We met a young artist in the garden section who complimented my necklace – I told her I made these – and she asked about the constituents… We conversed, and when my husband asked her how much she would pay for one of those, she said, “I’m a bargain hunter.  I’d try to pay about $15-$20 bucks…”  OUCH!  The time and sweat that goes into these is probably worth about five times that; sad to see things so cheaply discounted because of wide availability over the Internet – it sounds like you have to really understand marketing online to be any measure successful in this – which I am not sure I really want to pursue.  But one day, I will have to move these out –

    Right now, I am building inventory – making gifts for friends, and also for potential showing – and learning new things – and it beats the heck out of working on the same things all the time!

    But back to Mother’s Day – I miss my Mom, and my Grandma Ellen – they were those people that my natural inclination was to honor and buy gifts and of course, they were those mothers in my life – then there were other mothers that had a lot of influence, too…  I can’t forget them… Too many to mention here…  I love you all.

    For now, Barbie, Caroline Howard, and my other mothers are those who come to my mind…  I’m just on that boat of looking out there on the sea of life – Today, I pay special tribute to my friend in Canada who recently lost her daughter – and is now even more of a mother to her grand-children than ever…  Bless her for her strength and courage…

  • what I like to do vs. what I do

    what I like to do vs. what I do

    Picture 14What I like to do?  That’s a good question.  It depends on the day.  Sometimes I can’t even answer that question.  It’s kind of like “what do you want to eat?” – to which I respond, “What do you have?”  or it’s close cousin “What are you going to eat?”  A question answer for a question…  Hmmmm – what’s going on there?

    I need me some insight!  Yeah.

    I recently decided to take the Myers-Briggs test again, just to check and see if I have changed.  Well.  Actually, I haven’t much.  It was of some comfort to be reminded of all of my blind-spots.  It reconfirms what some people tell me about myself, either frustratingly, or sometimes gently, but mostly in the former way, as I may have pushed them to the brink of whatever.  I guess that I am hard to be around sometimes, especially when I am not in my comfort zone, which can be a lot of the time.

    What happens is that I think that everything should fit into Planet Me.  Anything else is illogical.  I have to ask God to help me with this and give over to the higher power as I traverse into the land of the overwhelmed.  When I was in deep grief after losing Rob, and yes,  he was lost, no matter what anyone has told me otherwise, on my planet, he isn’t here – I can’t find him, so he is lost… As I was saying, when I was in deep grief, I had to give over to God.  It wasn’t possible for me to feel in control of anything – it was like something else had taken over me and was driving from deep inside me.  Hard as hell to ride those waves, but I finally managed to stay on the surfboard and not fall into the sea.  I kept looking for some dry land and eventually, I did land on a beach somewhere – still on my planet.  I have learned to live on “survivor island”,  as it is impossible to return to the old place where I was.  Forever changed, but not gotten — that old place…   Yep, it didn’t get me then — and I pray for peace all the time that this will be settled for at least a while (in geological time).

    As with most of us humans, I believe that I am programmed to worry about “the end” of life on earth – my life, everyone else’s “who are dear to me” ‘s lives – not so much that I have any control – but that I pray for not painful transitions – All the horseshit with suffering is not a good deal for anyone.  Enough of that.  FIDO.  If you want to know the acronym meaning of FIDO, search the inter-google.  You’ll find it eventually.

    So much of life is living through one’s days, not knowing when days will no longer be, and trying to enjoy life, love others, feel somewhat satisfied and successful at what you do,  interact with those around you and your world, in a positive way – and not be fearful of being alone…  Once I am by myself in quiet solitude, it isn’t so bad.

    It helps to have the dog here with me.  She is somebody.  Until my special somebody comes home again and we are together, she is here and remains here until such time as she isn’t – but that hopefully is on down the road some.

    I do worry about this enough that it enters my dreams, and so I know that the worry baseline contains this worrisome stuff.  I think it is because of my intuition and its strength.  God only knows why He gave me this.  It must serve some purpose.  Here, Dearie,  have an extra helping of intuition, thank you very much…  Hmmmm…  Does that come with salsa?

    My f***ing intuition drives me nuts sometimes and I want it to go away or just tame down some…  I pray over and over that I can be more wrong that right and just “normal” on the intuitive front.  Using intuition for good – that’s okay.

    What is interesting today is being up at 4:30 AM, or thereabouts – and being here at 6:40 AM, having been awake for two hours already!  It will make the day seem earlier, and then the evening will, too…  It’s fall-ish outside (finally) and yet it will get warm again before it doesn’t for awhile.  Typical weather for these here parts, plus a little bit warmer – thanks to climate change…

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    I plan to take this road trip tomorrow which will be an experience I have not had in a good while – road trip by myself.  My vehicle and I will traverse the roads of the hill country and try to avoid accidents and incidents with texting drivers who think it is their entitlement to text while driving, regardless of how it makes them drive.  ugh.

    Straight shot.  All the way to the midpoint (well maybe more than the mid-point!)  have lunch, go again to the destination.

    Birds are chirping, sun is rising – once again, it’s morning…

  • oh goody, i get to clean up dog poo (again)

    oh goody, i get to clean up dog poo (again)

    man, this blows.  Lucy eats chicken skin and then gets the hershey squirts in the wee hours.  ugly.  somehow, i remember vaguely being awakened at 4:00 AM with grumbling, bumbling, and the faintest notion that i had heard her scratching and panting sometime before that – you know how it is when you hear noises and you are asleep – your brain does not exactly put things in the right sort order, so to speak.

    now i get to clean up the fun stuff.  good ol’ Dyson and his “ZORB” product which is just short of miraculous at being able to suck up the poo stains and the smell…

    poor lucy.  she gets some yogurt today.  good girl.  slack back on the chicken skin.

    Update to today. I really miss cleaning up after Lu. Eleven Years plus four months we had the joy of this wonderful girl. I don’t regret a moment of taking care of her. She was us. She took care of us. It was what we paid to have her be here. RIP Lu.